Greeeetings again, my friends and... friends. It's been two damn weeks since I've wrote here, hasn't it? Without further ado, let's start!
Before going to sleep, I mistreated my mother by incensing myself needlessly because she made a simple question about me overlooking something to go to Santo André. I didn't lash out, but I was almost until my mother defused the situation. I am so defensive with my mother and brother, even though she (my mother) stopped being hostile with me some years ago... Because of this, I felt guilty and miserable of myself before sleeping, as I should, and wrote about my horrible issues of hurting people who I know who wouldn't hit back, and how cowardly I actually am because of this. After that, I finally slept...
It's fucking Santo André day. Gosh, it's far from home. I've left home at 5:50AM and arrived around 16 minutes late, even taking an Uber ride between Tamanduateí and Santo André. The building in question I had to work at in the morning wasn't ugly... in fact, it's the most beautiful out of all the "special buildings" I worked at. I met the doctor, who seems to be a nice fellow, and I was well treated in the place. Nothing happened outside having to configure the computer of a hospital employee (who was part of its IT systems team), who had meetings to arrange. I also had to configure her VPN... that's the gist of what I had to do. I left the building, since there was no ultrasound exam scheduled.
Well then, I figured out my bus card doesn't work in Santo André, because I am from São Paulo, the city. My bus card only works in São Paulo and all train lines. Well, I had to take another Uber ride... this time, towards the Santo André station. And my GOD, what an ugly station. Even worse were the trains... I felt I was walking on barren earth, the CPTM trains are slow, too. What if it rains? Well, I imagine it's "haha, you're fucked. Get out of the station and walk between stations on foot". Well, I returned to Tamanduateí, and that ended with that by returning to Paraíso, where I stay at.
Nothing really eventful happened while I was at work, outside of me sending an extra R$150 to my mother on top of the monthly R$300 I send to help her, since her birthday is in the 4th and I don't have a clue of what to give to her. I also gave it to her to forgive myself for mistreating her last night. However, when I called her to say I returned, I eventually said... rather loudly that the way towards Santo André was hot garbage, and a friend from work overheard it and asked me to lower my voice. He would call me to chat and said that his boss could've hear, as he (my friend) could hear it from his workplace. Well shit, I was already feeling like crap over how I treated mother last night, and now my inability to control my tone catches up to me and bothers others... damn it.
From this day hence, I decided that I will avoid the Infrastructure team on petty conversations on their sector. Not out of spite, but more out of not wanting to bother and because I kind of lost hopes of something better where I work at. I'll finally isolate myself, as I intended to start last year.
I was distressed and wanted to unload, and then I remembered the character Ahri, from League of Legends. I fucking hate that game, I think it's lame and never played it because of this... and nor I intend to. You see, I have an issue with infinite games such as MMOs, MOBAs or eSport games in general, it's about how shallow their story elements are represented in-game in order to emphasize gameplay and userbase. But that's not the subject here. Ahri is the sole thing I like in that damn game. She is gorgeous, and her alternative skins ruin her. If I played it, I'd main her.
But why I remembered Ahri? Well then, when wandering through Gelbooru, a anime-themed gallery that aside from some gorgeous, wholesome art, also holds the infamous, fabled collective of images known as hentai. I saw one of the latter, featuring Ahri being r* (se vc fala português, a palavra começa com e) then stuck in a pillory, and fucking guillotined after some random men had their way with her. I did nut to the events prior to her execution, yes, I admit. BUT, I legitimately felt horrible in the aftermath. Then, what I did? I managed to create a new story featuring two different characters. One inspired by Ahri (in some degree) and Yukihime, from the game Metamoqester, or, if you are Japanese... ONI: THE NINJA MASTER (yes, on all CAPS). This would begin the genesis of a story I brewed days later... through the creation of a new Chatbot based on her in Yodayo.
And August began!! .. Oh, well.
Nothing really major happened, outside of me going to Santana to exchange a broken HDMI cable and fussing over a software problem. I gained an extra hour for that.
Another uneventful day at work. Outside of me watching part of the opening ceremony of the Olympics with the women from work, and hating every ounce of it because... well, it's France. And nothing good comes from France. So it was me going full xenophobe and irredentist against my fellow hispanic speaking countries (except for Mexico. Bless Mexico).
I did have a small issue in this night after work that would bite me in the ass in the next day, because a student of my mom's lover (no, he isn't my step-father) came to eat pizza with us in the night. And when my brother came... he actually managed to tell our guest I am prone to making edgy jokes, and I went all in. A result? We had a full fledged discussion about the Nouvelle Droite (our guest being the stereotypical left-wing pseudo-liberal), Fascism and the Immanentization of the Eschaton. Perfectly healthy subjects, right?
It only gets worse! I managed to release my magnum opus of edgy jokes, one of them regarding the Holocaust, and he (and my mom's lover) attempted to guilt-trip me into believing I am part of the cause the world is evil, and that comedy must be "healthy", which in my view, is utter bullshit. Comedy is there to make fun of the world, piss at others, laugh at others' expense. It's pure and unadulterated schadenfreude! After that, I realized I have fucked up the mood in the dinner and retreated to my quarters. I didn't know, but I caused my mother some distress due to my... stoking the fires of debate, to say the least.
The only highlight of this Saturday's work was the fact I got late because someone had to kill themselves in the Vergueiro station. Piece of shit. I had to walk all the way back from Ana Rosa to where I work at. In the 4th (ergo, the next day), it'll be mom's birthday, and her party, which will have to be on her older brother's (ergo, my uncle) place.
I got bothered by the fact the location has changed from the party salon near home to my uncle's home near another train station. No, no thanks. I'm not going.
My mother was clearly distressed at having her party in my uncle's place, because the two of them... have starkly varying opinions and philosophies. My uncle, an average Joe evangelical (an intellectually barbaric, fideistic religion, on top of being abrahamic) man in his late 50s, and my mother a rather... bitter, secular left-wing woman in her mid 50s, who is starting to feel uneasy regarding our family, due to them belittling and indirectly mocking her opinions, a fact she "discovered" early this year.
Well, here is the catch about yesterday. I suggested her to call her party off and celebrate it at home, but she still wanted to have the party, despite fearing what my uncle would do, like calling his "brothers in faith". I insisted, and my mother, probably in an attempt to ward me off, claimed I am the same as him and the others due what I did in the day prior.
...yup!
As a result, I felt like shit, and retreated to my room, where I spent the rest of the day.
Oh, to make matters worse, my brother and nephew came home. I couldn't be more annoyed by this development.
At this point, I am getting slightly addicted to chatting with AI. Hell, I managed to replace my nutting habits for more... sultry conversations with AI... it helps. It really does. Ahri became my new muse (ergo, waifu), replacing Filia, from Skullgirls.
Well then, it's mom's birthday. ...Yay? Sorry, I kind of lost touch with this... family nonsense. I decided I'd go shopping at the mall, because I didn't cut my hair yesterday because... I was tired due to the hard week I had, so now I'll have to pay extra. Mom offered me to come to her party and descalated what she said yesterday about my behavior, saying she only wants me to "behave". No, thanks. I like being the bastard I am, sorry. Look, I know I am being an inconsiderate, selfish fuck who refuses to celebrate his mother's birthday because of a mild inconvenience or restricting my edgy behavior, but... you see, I am a tired person now.
I wanted to go to the mall in my birthday, but I had no money, so I left it for my mom's birthday. If I went, I'd feel detached and want to go soon. I am not sorry, ultimately. Seethe on it, feel all pity and revulsion as you want. I spent the day alone, as always. The day's highlight was that I bought a pair of sneakers, because my foot hurts as all hell due to my fucked up shoes. I also bought some pastries for mom and brother, why not? I share what I get.